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01 June 2016

What It Feels Like To Be A Young Career-Oriented Mom?

What It Feels Like To Be A Young Career-Oriented Mom?


Yes lovelies, you 'read' it right. I am  a mom now! My little girl just turned 2 years old last January 23. I am proud of her. She's been a good little angel to me and to everyone she's been with. 

It's been a long time since I last posted an original article here. I never thought of getting back into blogging.. why? because for me, blogging WAS my life. Blogging WAS my passion. But I am back. I am here.. writing again. Sharing a piece of me. Of my life. 

Years ago, I was everywhere - almost. You can see me in local events, blogging workshops, blogging seminars, conferences and more. I posted atleast 3 articles a day. I met several bloggers - from amateurs to professionals.  Now, I am here sitting in front of my laptop and letting my heart out.   I stop calling myself a blogger simply because I stopped writing. I stopped sharing my passion. I stopped sharing my point of views and my experiences.  

Years ago, I fell in love with the man of my dreams (dream on, girl!).  But yeah,  I was stupid enough to choose love over career. I got job offers after I graduated but I chose to go back in Milan to be with him again and then... SHE came.  Unexpectedly. 

Pre and Post birth were, If I may consider, the hardest part of my life so far. It was very dark. Very gloomy. Very sad, It's the phase of my life that I wouldn't want to happen again.

Seems like I ate a large 'calcio' ball!


The first few months of being a mom was exhausting yet fulfilling. Seeing her after 9 months of being inside my jumbo belly was a precious moment. Everytime I think about it, my heart still feels the 'feeling' I had that time. Oh well, labor is not as ugly as you think it is ,though yeah, it was painful.
First day with Chloe's dad

The first time I changed her nappies!



As a mom, I am responsible in preparing everything she needs; from crib to clothes to nappies to toiletries.  I remember being paranoid during her first few months. I thought she had some unusual illness then found out it's just normal. 


At first, it's hard to detect her 'baby codes'.  I don't know why she's crying but as time passes by I was able to get them. And never ,as in ever, underestimate a mother's instinct. 




When I became a mom.. everything is all about her.
What she wants. What she likes. What she needs.

It's always about her. I, for most of the time, forgot about me.

What I want. What I like. What I need.

I forgot about my dreams.. my ambitions. I forgot myself and for a moment... I was lost.



I think it happens to every mom. We prioritize our child above anything else to the point we forgot ourselves.  I've been stressed and depressed for quite a few months and no one knows about it. No one. There was a time I wanted to kill myself because I feel so 'trapped' into this MOM THING. As a career-oriented woman, it's hard for me to accept the fact that my plans vanished in one snap. I felt worthless. I felt powerless. I felt useless.

My plan after graduation is to get a job then take MBA and work for a company. Afterwards, build my own empire. Yeah I know, pretty ambitious.  But everyone can dream.. and it's for free!

FRUSTRATION  always haunts me.  I kept blaming myself for not making those dreams into reality.




And so.. to make myself okay and to feel productive, I enrolled to online courses. I tried to learn Mandarin Chinese and do online business. 

But I still felt the frustration.

Then one day, my friend told me.. " you just have to accept things and forgive yourself for the things you were not able to do,"

Acceptance and Forgiveness?? Oh! Big words!



But luckily..  I did.


After a year, I was able to forgive myself (but it was damn hard!) I was able to accept the things that happened to me and I've learned to see the good side in everything.

Now, I am juggling my work ,as a housekeeper for 3 Italian families and as a volunteer secretary in an association for Filipinos here in Milan, and as a wonder mom. It's not and will never be easy; but hey! I love challenges.  

This experience fuels my desire to create my own informal group, the Team Possible Milano, which aims to help Filipinos in their job search. 


I may not yet have my dream job.. but I know.. I am on my way.





XOXO,

Etsuko

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